But He Was Not Insane
by Spiritprancer
Summary: This is, in a sense, a Jay x Jessica fanfic. It's pretty platonic, though. Sorry that it's so short but I wanted to share it because I like it enough. Again, sorry.


Jay Merrick had been in this hotel for a lot longer than it felt he should have been. Everything was the same, every day, and it seemed as if the time of day never truly changed, and nothing ever shifted position, no one walked past, no sound could be heard whatsoever in the eerie hall of the hotel He ventured out from time to time but he always seemed to be walking in circles. He would turn a corner, only to find himself where he had been just moments before. So much exposure to a static environment was sure to drive a man insane. But he was not insane. He knew that.

His only comfort in the realm in which he seemed to constantly reside was the knowledge that Jessica was nearby. In truth, this had not been true as of late, but he could not find it in him to believe that she was no longer there. No, Jessica was a constant; she was a part of the environment as much as he had become one. She was stuck in the same labyrinth he was, both of them mice just waiting for the cat to awaken… but that time never came.

Finally Jay decided that he would visit Jessica's room. By then he knew fully well that she would not be there. Regardless of that knowledge, the cameraman still entered the room, tapping lightly on the door as he had done so many times before. Much to his surprise, when he cracked open the door, there, on the edge of her bed, sat Jessica. Her hair fell partially over her face due to her hunched-over position. Hadn't Jessica disappeared? Oh but. He was not insane. He knew that much, at least.

He held onto the thought that he was sane; it was the only thing that kept him alive at that point. With that on his mind, Jay made his way over to the bed, and Jessica stood up with a slight tilt of her head, hair falling back away from her features.

"Jay, are you okay? You don't look too well." A worried frown tugged down the corners of her mouth, and she lowered her hands to her sides in loose, relaxed fists.

Unable to stay composed, tears threatened to spill from behind his lower eyelids as he opened his mouth to speak. When nothing but a choked noise came from him, she gently tugged his sweatshirt sleeve, coaxing him to take a seat on the bed in not so many words. When he complied, she sat next to him, turned ever so slightly so she could better face him. A gentle hand raised and removed his hat from his head, and since it was Jessica that did it, he had no reason to protest. Fingers ghosted across his forehead as his hair was brushed back away from his face in a nearly soothing manner. The comfort was welcome.

"Jessica," he began, his voice strained and choked by the tears that he was still attempting to hold back. "I'm… I'm scared." Admitting that to someone, anyone, was hard to do. Sure, he had been through a lot, but the fear was ever-present. Fear of not existing, fear of constant imprisonment, fear of loss of free will… fear in general. As soon as the words left his lips, Jay hung his head as the tears finally found their way over the barricade that held them back, streaming down his face haphazardly.

"Shhh, shhh… I'm here. You'll be okay," she soothed, her fingers combing his hair back messily, nails very lightly massaging his scalp. After a few minutes she scooted back on the bed ever so slightly—just enough to pull him into an embrace. She carefully pulled Jay to her, resting his head against her chest and continuing her previous, soothing action of running her fingers through his hair.

He had hardly realized that he had been pulled close, but once he figured out what was going on his arms wrapped around her, and he all but clung to Jessica as his head turned almost mechanically to hide his face and cry against her chest. He barely managed to choke out an apology to her. Surely it was a slight hindrance to have to deal with a breakdown like this.

Her hands moved to massage his shoulders softly, only for a moment, before gliding across his back in smooth circles. Beginning to hum a random tune in an effort to calm Jay, she placed a gentle kiss to the top of his head before closing her eyes and resting her cheek against his head. The humming continued, as did the slow, gentle circles that her hands traced as they travelled the terrain of his back. A few tears slipped past her lashes as she hummed and soothed, but she chose to ignore them in favor of helping Jay.

The rhythmic, therapeutic feel of the circles being rubbed into his back calmed his sobs to hitched breaths and less violent tears. Sure, he was still crying, but who could blame him for that after all he had been through. At least Jessica was there… that was quite the scare that she had given him by disappearing like she had. Her presence alone was enough to calm his fear at least enough that he could start to compose himself. Eventually he had managed to stop crying altogether, but he simply could not seem to get his breathing in check.

Taking note of Jay's apparent difficulty in breathing, she lifted her head and helped him into a sort of upright sitting position, a hand anchored on his lower back to ensure that she was not going to let go of him as long as he needed her. "Okay, Jay, I need you to take a deep breath, and hold it until I say." When he took in a breath she counted to four. "Okay, now let it out slowly, and repeat that pattern until you can stop gasping for air… like that. Generally this helps, since it's forcing a pattern into your lungs and diaphragm. That way the spasms might stop, since everything is over-stimulated when you cry like that." She moved both hands to his shoulders as a sort of way to attempt to make him feel safe and grounded, and hoped that it had its intended affect.

The little trick that Jessica taught him seemed to help significantly. Sure, his breath still hitched slightly at times, but the spasms were nowhere near as violent and less frequent. After a few more guided breaths, he had managed to get full control over his airway again and even managed a small, teary smile at her for her assistance.

Trying to make her expression seem reassuring, she smiled back at him. Neither of them spoke for a while, and, somewhat uncomfortable with the silence, Jessica pulled him back into her arms and returned to her previous action of tracing circles against his back. That seemed to help most out of what she had done, so she figured that she could not fail if she continued the motion. It was not long, however, before her hands strayed back up to his hair, gently working out a few tangles before rubbing the same, if not smaller, circles against his scalp.

He was glad that she had returned to their previous position. The closeness was soothing to him, and he could forget about his fear as long as he was with her. The way her hands moved across his back was relaxing, and he even managed to loosen his hold on her to the point that it was more casual than panicked. Jay had to admit to himself that he was somewhat disappointed that she stopped, but when the same motion resumed against his scalp a contented hum escaped him and he relaxed against her just a bit more. If he thought about it hard enough he could probably remember why he originally sought her, but he would rather live in this moment, with this feeling, for as long as he possibly could. His eyes closed again and he shifted slightly in an effort to be closer to her than he already was.

It was only a few short moments that the soothing sensation remained. In an instant, the feeling stopped altogether. He could no longer feel her warmth or her arms around him, her fingers in his hair or hear her heartbeat. All he felt was a cold blanket beneath him and a pillow clutched against his chest. He knew he had not fallen asleep. Jay hardly slept. But he was not insane. Except… at that point he was not as sure as he had been prior to entering the room next to his. Sitting up took more effort than he would have liked it to, and he glanced around himself to confirm his suspicions. He was in fact the only person in the room. The bed was still neatly made aside from the wrinkles in the blanket where he had been lying. Everything remained just as it had been when Jessica went missing. But he was not insane, right?

Sane people missed their friends, but last time he checked they did not hallucinate. They did not imagine, in full clarity and physical reality, their friends as they had been before they were no longer there. Jay concluded that he had lost more of himself than he thought, that Jessica was not coming back, and that he would have to accept the fact that he had no choice but to face eternity in this cursed hotel, alone. Returning to his own room, he muttered soft reassurances to himself as he lay on top of the covers and curled up into as tight of a ball as his body would allow. He found it impossible to keep his tears at bay, and this time, no one, real or imagined, would be there to help him through his fears. Jay was truly _alone_.


End file.
